You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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