Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
