so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
