I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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