I heard we made out
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
