North Korea, Best Korea!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
