anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
