can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
