Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
