if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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