How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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