M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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