I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
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You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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