$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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