Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize