I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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