Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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