bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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