i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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