What a fucking waste of an outfit
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
