I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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