so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
