playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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