At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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