Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
