can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Come share oat with me in your robe
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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