I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
