so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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