I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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