i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
