well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
