Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
