Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
