I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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