I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
