I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
