Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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