I think I am morally bankrupt
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I will be naked everywhere
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
as a side note pls kill me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
