What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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