I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
did i walk over a car last night?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
