we're blogging at a bar
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
