I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
