The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Bring me that man meat
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
