That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
