just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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