I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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