wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
