I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
