did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
