Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
