She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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