I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
