Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
