a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
