god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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