Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
