How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
