Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
