I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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