Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
