watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
