Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
