I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
