weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
