I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
