I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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