TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
