I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
