I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
