I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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