If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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