who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
