woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
