uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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